The Ashes 2021-22 – 136 balls, 10 wickets, 56 runs: how England imploded into the spotlight

16.1, green to burnt, OUT
Cut ! Australia have had a breakthrough and it’s a familiar type of dismissal for Burns, over tea/dinner. Fishing around the wicket, not knowing whether to play or leave. He opts for the latter, but too late to release his bat, and he only manages to deflect it on his own stumps! Green strikes, England’s highest series opening stand is smashed.
Rory Burns b Green 26 (78m 46b 4×4 0x6) SR: 56.52
And the referees take the players off for the interval. Brilliant start to a tough chase by the England openers, with Crawley looking immaculate and scoring freely, but that wicket on the stroke of the break changed the complexion of the game, with a tricky session under the lights to come.
20.5, Green in Malan, OUT
Brilliant bowling alley! It was exceptional from Green. It’s an inside edge at the end, but Malan has been reworked. Within a length of the wicket lap, Malan is late to drop his bat and it deflects into the stumps.
Dawid Malan b Green ten (26m 20b 2×4 0x6) SR: 50
Does Joe Root have a big sleeve in him to sign the series?
22.2, Green in Crawley, OUT
Edged, gone! Green’s magic spell. Full off the stump, draws the drive in and Carey dives to his right to catch a neat one.
Zak Crawley c † Carey b Green 36 (112m 66b 7×4 0x6) SR: 54.54
Peter: “And after this brief period of skill in England, we will now bring you back to your regular line-up.”
27.5, Starc to Stokes, OUT
Taken to square leg deep! Great catch running from Lyon. Starc dropped the short ball and Stokes chased it. He didn’t try to hold it back. Lyon makes good ground off the rope and dips it forward.
Ben Stokes c Lyon b Starc 5 (26m 15b 0x4 0x6) SR: 33.33
Root broke his bat. And the referees took the opportunity to call drinks what makes sense. Will this game be over tonight?
31.4, Boland to Root, OUT
Stay low, crash into the stump! Root doesn’t hit a single ball with his new bat after drinking. He’s a real grubber, shooting through low and crashing deep into the stump, under the toe of his bat. Root’s streak is over, another zero cent in Australia. He couldn’t have done much for this one!
Joe Root b Boland 11 (57m 31b 1×4 0x6) SR: 35.48
McFly: “Completely sorry for Joe Root now. He’s carried his party through 2021 and gets a cracker who stayed low to end his streak. No one could have prevented that.”
35.1, Boland to Billings, OUT
Chip low to mid-on! Boland has another and England implodes again. Normal serve for Boland, good line pitch and length. The ball comes to rest a little downfield as Billings looks to cross the midwicket, but he can only wind it up, straight to Cummins.
Billings Sam c Cummins b Boland 1 (18m 9b 0x4 0x6) SR: 11.11
A middle-aged man in the crowd unfastens his St George’s Cross in Bolton Wanderers colors…the end is nigh!
36.2, Cummins to Pope, OUT
Buckled around her legs! How did Pope pull this off? Cummins gets in on the act, and the wheels are off. Nip-backer, keeps a low touch of a good length as Pope moves around, looking to work the leg. He bites beyond his front pad and into the middle and lower leg. Terrible dismissal to end a horrific streak for England’s most promising young striker.
Ollie Pope Cummins 5 (45m 26b 0x4 0x6) SR: 19.23
Gravy man: “Surely England arrived to start the series without any wheels? I think now all that’s left is a piece of chassis rolling down a hill.”
37.6, Boland to Woakes, OUT
Blinder from Carey! Woakes decides it’s time to start and throws the bat, looking to sneak up the leg side. Full length, thick outer rim, and Carey clings to it, throwing herself to her right. It sticks in the strap between the thumb and forefinger… Australia are two wickets away from 4-0!
chris woake c † Carey b Boland 5 (15m 11b 1×4 0x6) SR: 45.45
38.3, Cummins at Wood, OUT
Pulled into its own stumps! An end unworthy of a solid series of Wood. He knew it would be short, jumping to the opposite side, but was rushed to the hook and drove it straight into the middle base. England lost 9 for 55.
Mark Wood Cummins 11 (11m 7b 2×4 0x6) SR: 157.14
38.5, Cummins to Robinson, OUT
Cleaned by a full-bunger! England lost nine wickets in the night session, and 10 for 56 overall. Robinson backed up on the leg and threw the bat. Cummins’ yorker was too high, but Robinson had backed up too far to reach him, watching him miss the toe and crash into the base of the stump.
Ollie Robinson Cummins 0 (7m 1b 0x4 0x6) SR: 0
Anas: ‘England came to Australia again 4 – nothing’